The Woman vs. Woman Pandemic

"It's not your job to like me, it's mine."  Byron Katie 

At 30 years of age, it has struck me like lightning that all too often than not, women hate one another. I look around and I can literally count on one hand the female friends I have, who I can honestly say I trust with my whole life.  One of these women is Joanna, my sister-in-law who I love more than she knows.  Joanna has been through lots in her life and because it is not my place to speak of this, I won't divulge much. What I will divulge is her authenticity, her ferocious strength, and her ability to have the kindest heart even in the darkest of times.  When I look at Jo, I want to be more like her. I could not ever think of any other woman who my brother deserves more than her.  She has loved him in only a way she knows how, and in a way that speaks to his soul.  I'm thankful everyday for not just her loving him, but loving me.  She has helped my life in more ways than one.

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Next up there is Nina-my soul sister.  When I met Nina almost three years ago the first thing she asked me was, "When's your birthday?"  I thought to myself, "what an odd question to ask someone for the first time," until I opened my heart and saw Nina's heart staring back at me.  Nina is the kind of woman whose strength exudes something I have never seen.  I know many strong women in my life and I am beyond lucky for knowing them, but Nina is a little different.  She has the kind of heart that is easily sensitive to all the world gives and takes away, and that is how I knew she was supposed to be in my life.  Our souls are very best friends and somehow and in some way, I believe they knew each other way before we ever met.  I'm lucky to have Nina.  She has taught me to stand up for myself, to love myself, to be okay with not sugarcoating shit, and to be a more honest person-because that is what she is and more.  Soul sisters, that is what we are and I wouldn't want it any other way.

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Then there is Fabi who has quite honestly the kindest soul.  One look at Fabi and she can make any bad day better.  I like to think that when she was created, she was given the soul she has in order to uplift others.  And no matter how much time has passed or how busy our lives get, Fabi is the kind of friend who will always be there for you.  That is what she has done for me and that is what she does for everyone.  Her heart is pure, her soul, experienced.  She is never weak, is always stronger than she may know, and exudes a compassion for all humankind.  And I adore her.

Angel is the kind of friend every woman should have in their lifetime.  For god's sake, her name is Angel-and that is what she is.  Angel came to this world and has continually kicked its ass.  Maybe she knows or maybe she doesn't, the kind of strength she has.  I'd like to think she does.  I met Angel through our boyfriends and I count her as one of my most favorite gals.  She has the kind of soul that helps your soul, and I only hope to be as good a friend to her as she is to me.  Plus, I can never forget how she introduced me to Harry Potter-you can never go back after that.

And lastly, there is Casey.  Casey is not only the most intelligent woman I know, but she is also the greatest person to talk to no matter what the situation.  Because of her, I was able to come into a working family and find two other sisters (Nina and Fabi) who I don't know what I'd do without.  But more than that, Casey has consistently been there for me.  Even as a new mom and being already insanely busy as is, she always reaches out to check on me, to see how I am doing, and to help in any way she can.  She also makes my heart happy whenever I am around her, and makes it okay to express my fears, insecurities, and deepest truths.  I thank her for teaching me so much and for allowing me to be in her life.  She is the kind of friend we all need in this world.

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I've had and met many women who were my friends for a certain amount of time.  Some, for several years, others for only a few short months.  All of the women I have met in my life have each taught me something incredibly important-how to be a better woman.  Some of them have royally fucked me over, some, don't even know or are aware that they have, and some just lost contact along the way.  Regardless, I have learned that in order to be a woman of authenticity and strength, I also have to be a woman who uplifts other women.  I have to be the kind of woman that is honest and doesn't fear anyone's success (which I never have to be honest).  I have to be able to speak my truth and stand up not just for myself, but for the millions of women who are subject to belittling and shit-talking by other women.

I'm so fucking tired of seeing women tear each other down.  As a woman, we already have to compete against all that society has thrown in our face, and yet we are each other's own worst enemy. We hate each other for being happy when we ourselves are not.  We compare and compete because we are not whole within.  We hurt and we lie because we fear being found out.  And the truth is, I speak of myself included.  The worst we can do is hurt one another and we do that by assuming that everything is about ourselves.

If a woman doesn't like you, maybe ask yourself if there is anything you do that can make them feel that way.  Then ask them.  And if they just decide that they don't want to like you, whether it is because of the color of your skin, the fact that you have a lasting and fucking amazing relationship, the fact that they are alone, the fact that you are happy, or even the fact that you get shit done and are praised for that, then oh well.  That is not your business.

The biggest and hardest lesson I have learned, is that women who tear each other down are women who are battling something within themselves that they don't want to face.  When we stick together, we make the impossible, possible.  And when we stand up for more than just ourselves, we become more powerful.

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I want to thank all of the amazing women I have in my life-the ones who have never betrayed me, left my side, always speak the truth, even if I don't want to hear it.  They are the women who constantly empower me to be a better person.  Without them, I would not be even half the person I am today. And because them, I am never alone.

A special thank you to the women I mentioned above and the following, who inspire me always and who I love most immensely-Cristina, Ashleigh, Esty, Robin, Katrina, Angel, Alexis, Ashley, Aunt Becky, Aunt Betty, Aunt Annie, Carrie, Carly, Debbie, Mara, Natalie, Deena, Grandma Oralia, Amanda, Loli, Nani, Vero, Simba, Daisy, and Nini.

And to my boyfriend's mom, who is an inspiration to all and whose beauty goes far beyond her looks.  It is her heart that heals anyone and I am so lucky to have her in my life.

Lastly and most importantly, to my mother, the greatest, strongest, bravest, most honest, most badass woman I know.  I am nothing without you and I love you more than love.  Someday you will know the impact you have had on my life and all those you know.  And to my sister Syd, another badass who gives me the most amazing, honest, and inspiring advice, even if she is five years younger.  You are my other half Seed, always and forever.

Let's start raising each other up, inside of doing everything in our power to tear each other down.  We already have so many odds against us, so why not work together to be even more powerful?

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Strength in numbers.

Kim