Lessons My 20s Taught Me
"The bad news is that time flies. The good news is you're the pilot." Michael Altshuler
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| Via Pinterest |
When I was 20, my life was a carefree ride of staying up all night, meeting new people, making experiences for which I could learn from someday, and having a million and one questions on the daily. What I would do to hug that twenty year old me and tell her that everything is going to turn out just fine. I might also slap some wisdom into her and ensure she knew, to never look back.
Turning 30 this past April has proven to be the most challenging year yet, but also the most beautiful. Sometimes life gives us a wakeup call, sometimes more than one, that forces us to make the most important changes. For me, these wakeup calls have come and gone, never quite making their impact on me like I had hoped. But, somehow my brain and my heart caught up with each other and decided it was time to use this most recent aha moment, to truly improve.
Taking all that has happened in the past 30 years and all I have graciously learned, here are the most important lessons my twenties taught me and how they have shaped my life now.
Be Kind To Yourself
Your twenties are all about questioning everything and trying to figure yourself out. One of the best lessons I have learned this year is that if we cannot be kind to ourselves, there is no way in hell we can truly be kind to others. Everyone always says to be kind to everyone because you never know what battle they are facing. And although I believe this is true, there is something very important we must do first before we can truly be that way with others. I had ten years to learn how to be kind to myself, truly kind, and finally, just into my 30s, I feel that I am conquering this goal. No matter how many great people you have in your life, treating yourself gently, wonderfully, and compassionately first, opens up so many more positive opportunities. So just be kind to yourself and see what that brings.
Who Cares What People Think?
For 29 years and 364 days, I lived my life completely consumed in what others thought about me. Do they think I am smart, pretty, nice, funny, capable? Do they think I am good enough? Gosh, the many nights I stayed up not only losing sleep, but obsessively breaking down if I said something the wrong way, if I upset someone, if I looked stupid. I can't even count how many nights I did this, consumed in thoughts of what people thought about me. What I have come to figure out is this--what people think about you is none of your business. There will be people in your life that will not like you, plain and simple. They will think you are not good enough to be their friend, that you are not smart enough, or even, that you are too smart, which they will feel threatened by. But none of this matters, none of it. What truly matters is what YOU think of yourself. Once you change your story about how you see yourself, the once obsessive need to know what people think of you, vanishes.
Friends Will Come And Go
I was never the type of girl to have loads of friends. Although I was friendly with everyone growing up, I was never involved in any clique. I enjoyed hanging out with anyone who made me laugh and even at a young age, loathed people who treated others badly. If a certain group of friends were treating me differently or calling me a "coconut" because I was hanging out with my friends who just happened to be white, then I knew deep down, that those were not my true friends. Because of this, I latched onto friendships and did everything I could to be the absolute best friend I could be. Deep down inside however, I knew that true friendships did not have to require so much work from just one person. Of all the friends I had in my 20s, I can only count a few that have remained. In your twenties you are constantly changing or at least should be, and although it hurt my heart to admit the truth of having to let go of friendships I once believe would be there to the end, it has been one of the best changes I have made. Friends do come and go and for the most part it is not a personal thing. People grow apart, start their own families, and the things you once had in common are no longer there. And that is 100% okay!
Love And Learn
I've been in love with the same man for almost nine years now. Without divulging too much about our personal life, I will say just one thing--it hasn't always been the easiest. I firmly believe that the things that matter most in our lives never truly do come easy. They require work and not work that is all-consuming, but work that says, "Hey, I do care, you matter to me, let's do this life thing together." I am incredibly lucky to have found someone who gets me. Getting me is not easy and for those who know this to be true, you know that I am not the always a low maintenance type of woman. My guy pushes me to learn, not just from the things he teaches me, but also from the mistakes I make. Never one to shy away from speaking the truth, he knows how and when to show up. He also knows how to speak to me in a way that truly strikes a cord and makes the wires in my brain work better. When you love someone and are in a happy and growing relationship, you must learn from everything you see, hear and do. Even when I kick myself for making a mistake, doing something stupid, not using my common sense, the best thing is that I always learn from those errors. If I didn't have a partner who constantly encouraged me, I don't know if I would have been able to learn as much as I have. But I am so thankful this is not the case. Loving and learning go hand in hand and they are the two things we must all do, in order to better understand one another.
Failure Is The Best Opportunity For Growth
If we never fail, then how can we learn? I've made thousands of mistakes in my lifetime, some I have long forgotten about, and some that stay with me as reminders of how far I've come. Failing is not an easy pill for people to swallow. It was not an easy pill for me to swallow, that's for sure. And yet here I am. I am still standing. I am still alive. I am still happy, loved, healthy, and a-okay. All of the best people I know are also the smartest people I know. And they all have one thing in common as well--they have all failed. If we never fail, then we are never growing, learning, and making the necessary changes needed in order to be our true selves. Before this year I was lost in terms of growth. I spoke a big game about wanting to make changes and would start and then stop. But it took truly failing for me to realize how much I needed to change. I've always believed that I am a great person. I care and love immensely and if you are loved by me, I can guarantee you that I will love you to the very end and then some. I am honest, loyal, forgiving, kind, and a ride or die. And I cannot express my gratitude enough for those who have helped to lift me up each time I have stumbled. Failing was scary and hurt like hell, but man oh man has it been the greatest blessing in my life. It is as if the universe spoke to me and I finally listened. I was finally ready and I used the opportunity to truly make change.
I have learned a lot from the past decade, but of all the lessons I have mentioned above, the greatest one has been finally loving myself. It isn't a lesson if you will, but more so a moment in time where my soul knows now, how to truly love myself. I don't want to look back anymore on the past 29 years of my life. This post is my goodbye to those years and a closure of a long book that is finally finished.
I pick up a pen and begin to write a new story, one I am sure will be a marvelous adventure.
Taking all that has happened in the past 30 years and all I have graciously learned, here are the most important lessons my twenties taught me and how they have shaped my life now.
Be Kind To Yourself
Your twenties are all about questioning everything and trying to figure yourself out. One of the best lessons I have learned this year is that if we cannot be kind to ourselves, there is no way in hell we can truly be kind to others. Everyone always says to be kind to everyone because you never know what battle they are facing. And although I believe this is true, there is something very important we must do first before we can truly be that way with others. I had ten years to learn how to be kind to myself, truly kind, and finally, just into my 30s, I feel that I am conquering this goal. No matter how many great people you have in your life, treating yourself gently, wonderfully, and compassionately first, opens up so many more positive opportunities. So just be kind to yourself and see what that brings.
Who Cares What People Think?
For 29 years and 364 days, I lived my life completely consumed in what others thought about me. Do they think I am smart, pretty, nice, funny, capable? Do they think I am good enough? Gosh, the many nights I stayed up not only losing sleep, but obsessively breaking down if I said something the wrong way, if I upset someone, if I looked stupid. I can't even count how many nights I did this, consumed in thoughts of what people thought about me. What I have come to figure out is this--what people think about you is none of your business. There will be people in your life that will not like you, plain and simple. They will think you are not good enough to be their friend, that you are not smart enough, or even, that you are too smart, which they will feel threatened by. But none of this matters, none of it. What truly matters is what YOU think of yourself. Once you change your story about how you see yourself, the once obsessive need to know what people think of you, vanishes.
Friends Will Come And Go
I was never the type of girl to have loads of friends. Although I was friendly with everyone growing up, I was never involved in any clique. I enjoyed hanging out with anyone who made me laugh and even at a young age, loathed people who treated others badly. If a certain group of friends were treating me differently or calling me a "coconut" because I was hanging out with my friends who just happened to be white, then I knew deep down, that those were not my true friends. Because of this, I latched onto friendships and did everything I could to be the absolute best friend I could be. Deep down inside however, I knew that true friendships did not have to require so much work from just one person. Of all the friends I had in my 20s, I can only count a few that have remained. In your twenties you are constantly changing or at least should be, and although it hurt my heart to admit the truth of having to let go of friendships I once believe would be there to the end, it has been one of the best changes I have made. Friends do come and go and for the most part it is not a personal thing. People grow apart, start their own families, and the things you once had in common are no longer there. And that is 100% okay!
 |
| Via Pinterest |
I've been in love with the same man for almost nine years now. Without divulging too much about our personal life, I will say just one thing--it hasn't always been the easiest. I firmly believe that the things that matter most in our lives never truly do come easy. They require work and not work that is all-consuming, but work that says, "Hey, I do care, you matter to me, let's do this life thing together." I am incredibly lucky to have found someone who gets me. Getting me is not easy and for those who know this to be true, you know that I am not the always a low maintenance type of woman. My guy pushes me to learn, not just from the things he teaches me, but also from the mistakes I make. Never one to shy away from speaking the truth, he knows how and when to show up. He also knows how to speak to me in a way that truly strikes a cord and makes the wires in my brain work better. When you love someone and are in a happy and growing relationship, you must learn from everything you see, hear and do. Even when I kick myself for making a mistake, doing something stupid, not using my common sense, the best thing is that I always learn from those errors. If I didn't have a partner who constantly encouraged me, I don't know if I would have been able to learn as much as I have. But I am so thankful this is not the case. Loving and learning go hand in hand and they are the two things we must all do, in order to better understand one another.
Failure Is The Best Opportunity For Growth
If we never fail, then how can we learn? I've made thousands of mistakes in my lifetime, some I have long forgotten about, and some that stay with me as reminders of how far I've come. Failing is not an easy pill for people to swallow. It was not an easy pill for me to swallow, that's for sure. And yet here I am. I am still standing. I am still alive. I am still happy, loved, healthy, and a-okay. All of the best people I know are also the smartest people I know. And they all have one thing in common as well--they have all failed. If we never fail, then we are never growing, learning, and making the necessary changes needed in order to be our true selves. Before this year I was lost in terms of growth. I spoke a big game about wanting to make changes and would start and then stop. But it took truly failing for me to realize how much I needed to change. I've always believed that I am a great person. I care and love immensely and if you are loved by me, I can guarantee you that I will love you to the very end and then some. I am honest, loyal, forgiving, kind, and a ride or die. And I cannot express my gratitude enough for those who have helped to lift me up each time I have stumbled. Failing was scary and hurt like hell, but man oh man has it been the greatest blessing in my life. It is as if the universe spoke to me and I finally listened. I was finally ready and I used the opportunity to truly make change.
 |
| Via Pinterest |
I pick up a pen and begin to write a new story, one I am sure will be a marvelous adventure.
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