The Load
I found the perfect quote just now to sum up the way I've been feeling lately and all the changes that are currently taking place.
Change, for me, has never been easy, at least not the kind of change I want. Great change, things that bring joy and happiness in my life, of course, are wonderful and easy for me to adapt to. In life however, one can never dictate the changes that are going to happen; the only thing we have control over is how we deal with it.
There are many things that happen in life that are not always easy to accept or adjust to and for me, when things don't necessarily go the way I hope for them to, I tend to get a bit bummed. The type of person I am is one where planning and go over everything in my mind to get to a solution, works for me. It keeps me sane in a very odd way, it keeps me relaxed and free of clutter, although I am cluttering my mind with several thoughts.
For the ones who know me, they have come to gratefully and thankfully, accept all of who I am. The quirks I possess are not always easy to understand or even be around, but they are parts of me that in some ways, help me to better understand even myself.
The past few weeks have been non-stop heavy with changes in my career and really doing all I can to let go of the old habits I've been carrying around for all of my life. I'll be 29 in April and I'm ready to finally in a sense, grow up. My whole blog has always been about my path to growing up and on this path, I have definitely learned a lot about myself.
Although I do have a sense of confidence and pride, I also have a much more sensitive side, wrapped in fear of the unknown, and a need to know everything before it happens (which is impossible). I lose sleep over all the things I "need" to do, "could" happen, all the while creating too many stories for my brain to keep up with. In every single way, the weight I carry is the weight I choose to carry, and I'm kind of tired of the heaviness.
I've chosen to carry all the weight I've given myself, for no reason even I can understand, and I am so completely over it. I want to live in the sunshine, be free, laugh incessantly, love healthily, and not be afraid of all the things that could or may happen that I wouldn't want.
Life can never be fully controlled and I am just now trying to get comfortable with that. I don't want to lose sleep over all the crazy stories I tell myself or come home completely drained, because I didn't allow myself to stop and take a breath. I CANNOT do it all or carry it all, I just can't. And letting that go has only ever been hard, because I've told myself it was.
I'm truly and completely grateful for the ones I love, for not only loving all of me, but for being honest with me, unafraid to tell me the truth, and never letting myself give up on who I am and what I have to offer the world. A love like the kind I have, is something that I am blessed and lucky enough to have, and in order for me to give love back in return, I must be better to myself. I have to let go of the heaviness I choose to carry.
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There are many things that happen in life that are not always easy to accept or adjust to and for me, when things don't necessarily go the way I hope for them to, I tend to get a bit bummed. The type of person I am is one where planning and go over everything in my mind to get to a solution, works for me. It keeps me sane in a very odd way, it keeps me relaxed and free of clutter, although I am cluttering my mind with several thoughts.
For the ones who know me, they have come to gratefully and thankfully, accept all of who I am. The quirks I possess are not always easy to understand or even be around, but they are parts of me that in some ways, help me to better understand even myself.
The past few weeks have been non-stop heavy with changes in my career and really doing all I can to let go of the old habits I've been carrying around for all of my life. I'll be 29 in April and I'm ready to finally in a sense, grow up. My whole blog has always been about my path to growing up and on this path, I have definitely learned a lot about myself.
Although I do have a sense of confidence and pride, I also have a much more sensitive side, wrapped in fear of the unknown, and a need to know everything before it happens (which is impossible). I lose sleep over all the things I "need" to do, "could" happen, all the while creating too many stories for my brain to keep up with. In every single way, the weight I carry is the weight I choose to carry, and I'm kind of tired of the heaviness.
I've chosen to carry all the weight I've given myself, for no reason even I can understand, and I am so completely over it. I want to live in the sunshine, be free, laugh incessantly, love healthily, and not be afraid of all the things that could or may happen that I wouldn't want.
Life can never be fully controlled and I am just now trying to get comfortable with that. I don't want to lose sleep over all the crazy stories I tell myself or come home completely drained, because I didn't allow myself to stop and take a breath. I CANNOT do it all or carry it all, I just can't. And letting that go has only ever been hard, because I've told myself it was.
I'm truly and completely grateful for the ones I love, for not only loving all of me, but for being honest with me, unafraid to tell me the truth, and never letting myself give up on who I am and what I have to offer the world. A love like the kind I have, is something that I am blessed and lucky enough to have, and in order for me to give love back in return, I must be better to myself. I have to let go of the heaviness I choose to carry.
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