Yesterday was not a manic Monday like I had anticipated, but today, today was a little rough. In tonight's Tuesday Truths series, I dedicate it all to karma and energy. I've always believed in karma and even when I think it takes forever to catch up to some people, it always shows up when you least expect it. And energy is how I live. I base everything I do in my daily life on energy and I can tell instantly whether I will like someone within the first few minutes of meeting them. The energy I feel helps me to know when others are upset with me, need their own space, want to vent, need a shoulder to cry on and most importantly, who I can and cannot trust.
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Some people may think I am mean, but the truth is that for me, being mean is being a genuine asshole, someone who is hurtful and callous, rude and condescending, and I really don't believe I am that way. I get most of my strength from my mother and guy, who have both shown and taught me how to stand up for myself and on my own two feet. I am honest to the core, sometimes a little too bluntly, but I never lie. Seriously, I NEVER lie. It's something in my DNA that I just can't do and I never have been good at it.
When I was little, I always gave myself up when I did something wrong or bad, because the guilt just killed me more than anything else. I will tell you the truth forever and for always and I will never apologize for that. But, I also respect those around me and know who I can say certain things to and they won't take it the wrong way, and who I may have to be a little gentler with. I'm okay with that too. But one thing that I am not okay with, are people who are genuinely so mean that in my mind, I truly feel that they have no idea how they are or how they come across.
I know that everyone in this world is fighting some battle and that is the quote and saying we have all heard in some form or another. But I most certainly believe that it is not an excuse to be an ass to others because of whatever you are troubled with. When I have done that, I feel shameful and awful for days, but because I knew I was wrong. I always apologize and dwell for days if I upset someone because I was in a bad mood.
On the other hand, to hurt me and put me down, to try and stomp on my dreams or accomplishments, will only make me dislike you more and lose all my respect for you. As much as I would like to hate several people I have met along this path, I don't. I don't hate, I try not to hold onto anger or bitterness, but more than anything, I must always be true to myself. I cannot allow someone to treat me like shit, while pretending to be someone or something they are not to others. I cannot allow someone to drain all of the positive energy from me, because they are unhappy with themselves or whatever is going on in their life.
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I will always be empathetic, but rarely do I feel sorry for the way people are. Maya Angelou once said that when people show you who they are, you better fucking believe them; of course I paraphrased that a little. And I live off that motto tremendously. I am not afraid to say how I feel or to stand up for myself anymore. If you show me that you are an asshole, fake, insincere, condescending, rude, mean, ignorant, a shitty friend, etc., I will believe you till the very end. I can't waste my life, time or energy any longer on trying to fix people who just don't give a shit.
All I care about in this life and in my life, is who is already in it, who has been there for a while, and who has come in and made an impact. My wonderful man is of course someone I speak of constantly, not to annoy people, though I can even annoy myself at times (hehe), but because he matters a great ton. Because he gives a shit about me, will never crush my happiness or dreams, and because he is not an asshole. I am blessed to have a kick ass family, mother, brother, and sister, who are all strong in their own right, who too, do not stand for people who are trying to constantly bring others down. I have the greatest in-laws in all the land, who love me immensely and always want to make sure I'm happy, and of course the greatest friends, a circle of girls who I love more than even they will ever know.
These mean people I speak of, I have no room for in my heart or life. My energy is way too precious. Those who truly know me and accept me, are the only ones I have time for. Because if anything, life is way too short, and I plan on living it and spending it, the way I choose to do.
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