Nightcap and all things I love.
"I'll look back on this and smile because it was LIFE and I decided to live it."-Anon.
I can smell the fall weather begin to come in and it takes me back to the very first moment I landed in Las Vegas, with no expectations but to escape from the small town where everyone knows your name.
Suffice to say; I was very naive. After living in Las Vegas for five years now, I can honestly say that I have come to love who I am, where I come from, and where I've been, with all my heart. I am so happy and proud that I derive from a tiny town in Texas by the name of Uvalde, where the school mascot is the coyote, amazing home cooked meals are present at just about any restaurant you visit, and friends and family all reside in.
Adoration of my life is an understatement and although I know for a fact that I am not always happy, cheerful or even positive for that matter, I also know that everyone has one choice in life. It is a choice that is of the highest importance and it boils down to this: How You Live It.
Sure everyone on this planet has been through their share or more of hard times and devastating losses. Although heartbreaking and unbearable for many, life never leaves us out of the big picture; that we are all in this together.
My story of trying to find myself has lasted almost the entire five years that I've lived in Vegas. From massive and excruciating insecurity (yes, I am human and no, I am never perfect) to gut wrenching and heartbreaking fear, I have made it through.
In a world full of judgements, it has been one hell of a ride. It has also been a ride I live for each second I am still living. With all honesty, I would do it all over again and then some, to arrive at the point that I am today.
The past and the future have both been these evil annoying twins in my life. If I wasn't living in the pain of the past, I was living in the uncertainty of the future. Sure I would live presently, but not in the ways I should have been. I was so caught up in fear and panic of what my past meant of who I am and my life and the fact that I couldn't predict or know what the future would bring me.
But through it all, I made it through. Each and every single time. And I know the answer now, to what this life means. I could continue living in fear and doubt. But I sure as hell don't want to ever again. Life is too good, in spite of all the bad. And when you realize that, no matter what happens or what tears you apart, life is still good because you are still living.
I love that the sun comes up each morning and shines down upon us all; our beacon of light. I love when the moon is full and I feel as if I can see the man sitting on top of it. I love when the leaves change colors, when the cool weather begins to blow in, the sound of family gathering around the table for Thanksgiving, and the melodies of Christmas music playing at every corner.
I also love waking up every morning to the love of my life, the greatest love I've ever found. I love hearing my mothers laughter when she does something extraordinarily silly, the way my brother and I always flip each other off when we Skype, and the way my little sister who turns 21 in a few short days, always lifts me up when I'm down.
I love the licks from a dog who has captivated my heart, my guys family who always make me feel at home, the hummingbird Jade that visits our feeder, and the silence of the night, when the city has faded away and sleep is present.
Wishing that I would've gotten all of this way back then would be me wishing that I could change the past. And for the first time in 26 years, I have to admit that I would never go back and change anything. Loving what the past has given me and taught me about who I truly am, has been the greatest and most profound lesson of my life.
With all I have, I know I cannot lie and say that I don't ever fall back on hold habits because I do. But nowadays, the fall backs don't ever last long enough and are reminders instead of fears, that I am stronger than I think. Everyone is capable of that strength when they really want to. No one is ever alone. Though times may be rough and questions may fill your mind, know that what you think about yourself and your life, leads to how you live it.
For me, it is simple. I CHOOSE to LIVE. I CHOOSE to LOVE. And I CHOOSE to be PRESENT and HAPPY with all that consists of my one precious and beautiful life.
Like I said before, I am not always this happy or this content. I have my own struggles. I have my own little demons that like to creep up from time to time. And I don't know everything or much at all about life as a whole. All I do know is who I am and that is enough for me.
I am a Mexican gal from Texas. I have a crazy loving family. I have a partner who just gets me, no matter how crazy I may make him. I adore God. And I have this heart, this one great heart, that has never let me down.
That is what I follow, for it leads me always in the right direction.
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and I could say, "I used everything you gave me." -Erma Bombeck
I can smell the fall weather begin to come in and it takes me back to the very first moment I landed in Las Vegas, with no expectations but to escape from the small town where everyone knows your name.
Suffice to say; I was very naive. After living in Las Vegas for five years now, I can honestly say that I have come to love who I am, where I come from, and where I've been, with all my heart. I am so happy and proud that I derive from a tiny town in Texas by the name of Uvalde, where the school mascot is the coyote, amazing home cooked meals are present at just about any restaurant you visit, and friends and family all reside in.
Adoration of my life is an understatement and although I know for a fact that I am not always happy, cheerful or even positive for that matter, I also know that everyone has one choice in life. It is a choice that is of the highest importance and it boils down to this: How You Live It.
Sure everyone on this planet has been through their share or more of hard times and devastating losses. Although heartbreaking and unbearable for many, life never leaves us out of the big picture; that we are all in this together.
My story of trying to find myself has lasted almost the entire five years that I've lived in Vegas. From massive and excruciating insecurity (yes, I am human and no, I am never perfect) to gut wrenching and heartbreaking fear, I have made it through.
 |
The past and the future have both been these evil annoying twins in my life. If I wasn't living in the pain of the past, I was living in the uncertainty of the future. Sure I would live presently, but not in the ways I should have been. I was so caught up in fear and panic of what my past meant of who I am and my life and the fact that I couldn't predict or know what the future would bring me.
But through it all, I made it through. Each and every single time. And I know the answer now, to what this life means. I could continue living in fear and doubt. But I sure as hell don't want to ever again. Life is too good, in spite of all the bad. And when you realize that, no matter what happens or what tears you apart, life is still good because you are still living.
I love that the sun comes up each morning and shines down upon us all; our beacon of light. I love when the moon is full and I feel as if I can see the man sitting on top of it. I love when the leaves change colors, when the cool weather begins to blow in, the sound of family gathering around the table for Thanksgiving, and the melodies of Christmas music playing at every corner.
I also love waking up every morning to the love of my life, the greatest love I've ever found. I love hearing my mothers laughter when she does something extraordinarily silly, the way my brother and I always flip each other off when we Skype, and the way my little sister who turns 21 in a few short days, always lifts me up when I'm down.
I love the licks from a dog who has captivated my heart, my guys family who always make me feel at home, the hummingbird Jade that visits our feeder, and the silence of the night, when the city has faded away and sleep is present.
Wishing that I would've gotten all of this way back then would be me wishing that I could change the past. And for the first time in 26 years, I have to admit that I would never go back and change anything. Loving what the past has given me and taught me about who I truly am, has been the greatest and most profound lesson of my life.
 |
For me, it is simple. I CHOOSE to LIVE. I CHOOSE to LOVE. And I CHOOSE to be PRESENT and HAPPY with all that consists of my one precious and beautiful life.
Like I said before, I am not always this happy or this content. I have my own struggles. I have my own little demons that like to creep up from time to time. And I don't know everything or much at all about life as a whole. All I do know is who I am and that is enough for me.
I am a Mexican gal from Texas. I have a crazy loving family. I have a partner who just gets me, no matter how crazy I may make him. I adore God. And I have this heart, this one great heart, that has never let me down.
That is what I follow, for it leads me always in the right direction.
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and I could say, "I used everything you gave me." -Erma Bombeck
Love it!!!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful!!!!
ReplyDeleteI needed to read this. You are very inspiring. :)
ReplyDelete