29 Truths

On the eve of my 29th birthday, I dedicate this post to 29 truths I have learned and am still learning in these past 29 years of life.

For the first time ever my birthday is truly just another day to me.  I am happy and grateful as can be, but for some reason (maybe maturity, finally) it just isn't as huge of a deal to me.  But, in the last 29 years of me being me, I have learned a great ton of valuable and interesting information.  Most of these things I most recently figured out, some I've known for a while but am just now accepting, and others I'm still trying to get.

1. Be grateful; genuinely and completely grateful.  On my drive home from work tonight my mother had one of those talks with me, the kind that send a billion light bulbs off in your mind and stop you dead in your tracks.  She's had this conversation with me many times, but tonight it just hit deeper than ever. To have and lead a happy life, you must always be genuinely grateful for all that you have.
2. Everything you don't have may not have a reason or purpose, and that's okay.  Spending precious time on trying to understand why things don't always go our way is pointless, and it robs us from the gratitude we feel deeply.
3. Loving someone is easy; loving ourselves is not.  We struggle, I struggle, to love myself always.  I beat myself up, put myself down, criticize parts of me that don't need any criticism, but I will love others like there is no tomorrow.  When I love myself first, as much as I love my loved ones, life beams with sunlight and joy.  Peace resides.  And that is true love. 
4. Relationships are hard, but with the right person (not a perfect person) they become a journey that feeds both souls.  Days will be hard, tears will be shed, unknowns will always be unknowns, but with the beautiful sound of a laugh, everything else vanishes.  Letting a relationship feed both partners is what it is all about.
5. Trying to make others happy is impossible.  This is true for all relationships; loving ones, family, friends, work, etc.  The only person you can ever MAKE happy is yourself.  And when you are happy, it's highly likely those around you will be happy too.
6. Friends will come and go.  Some you have known all your life will eventually become a fond memory of a childhood you will never forget.  Cherish those memories and be okay to let them go.  Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. 
7. Also, don't let people who do nothing for your soul or life bring you down.  There really is a battle everyone else is facing, whether hidden deep within or shown through ugliness.  Just because you are kind, does not mean you have to accept or like those who treat you like shit.
8. Focus on all that matters in the present moment and forget everything else.  This exact moment is all we are ever guaranteed any way.
9. Make peace with your past, even if you have to see a therapist to do so.  The past is a long book of things that have ended, most of which serve no purpose anymore.  Why continue to stay on the same page?
10. Take time for yourself.  Spend your days writing in your new study, making art, reading a good book, playing with your pup, etc,.  But seriously, take time for yourself.  You will always need it.
11. Learn to say no.  Saying yes all the time is not only silly, but also disingenuous.  If you don't want to do something and you know it does not serve a purpose, just say no.  It really is as easy it seems.
12. Become friends with your significant other.  Know how to speak their language and treat them as if you would your very best friend.  A love rooted in friendship is a love worth nourishing and when you can look at them and see your greatest friendship, hold onto that and never abuse it.
13. Let the fuck go!  Of everything and anything that stands in your way.  Whether it is your constant worry, fear, negative thinking, woe is me syndrome, insecurities, low self-esteem, bad attitude, past failures, shitty people, etc., let the fuck go of it already and move the fuck on. 
14. Seriously though…let it go already.  All it ever does is cause more pain and stress, and tension and pressure not only on yourself, but the ones who actually do give a damn.
15. Spend time with people who bring the best out in you.  The people who push you to believe in yourself the way they believe in you.  Those are the ones worth spending quality time with.
16. Go away.  Get outside, go for a walk, travel to see a friend, visit family, whatever.  Just get away every once and a while.  It will feed your soul beautifully.
17. Know your worth.  If you have a great life, known that it is great because you are worth it.  Because you deserve it all.  Never doubt this or your worth.  Doing so will only ever break you down and break your heart in the process.
18. Really think before you speak.  You can never take back something once it has left your mouth, so be careful with what you say.
19. Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words.  You can say a billion times over how you will do this or that, but if you don't actually act upon it, people will just see you as a liar.  And that is never good.  No one likes a liar.
20. Stop worrying about others.  You have NO CONTROL over other people's lives.  I know you love them so much you can't ever describe, but don't worry.  Their life is their life.  Your life is yours.  Only you can have control over your life, the rest is left to them.  So let it be just that.
21. Trust yourself more.  You will and may always have fears and worries, but if you don't trust yourself, nothing will ever get done.  Dreams will never come true.  So trust yourself more than you would anyone else. 
22. Stop thinking.  When you do think, think, please, about the real things, not the imaginary things you create.  Let your brain rest.  Let your creativity or imagination be put to good use.  
23. Accept yourself.  Everyone has flaws; that is what makes everyone unique and different from everyone else.  So accept who you are and if there are things you don't like about yourself, then change it.  Only you have the power to do that anyway.  Those that truly love you, already accept you more than you do, and more than you know.
24. Let go of the fairytale.  Love is not all roses and rainbows, happiness every second of every day. Love takes time and needs time to change and grow, just as life is always changing and growing.  Keeping love stuck in glue will not allow it to sustain, so let love breathe.  We all love differently, feel love differently, see it differently, and allowing it to change, is allowing love to truly be love.
25. Be a better listener; a world class listener.  Learn to listen to those who you know are ever trying to help.  Listen to your gut, listen to your heart, listen to the sound of music.  Literally, just listen. When you stop talking, everything usually makes more sense.  Understanding becomes easier and things make more sense.
26. Believe in whatever you want to believe in.  Belief is only ever what YOU make of it.
27. Know that when life gets hard, the tide will always pass away from the shore.  You will be okay.  You will live and continue on.  Nothing is ever that hard, we just learned moons ago, how to make things harder than they need to be.  When something is really difficult, do what you can to get through it, because you will.  Get through it. 
28. Do.  Do what you want, what you love.  Life is precious.  Sometimes it's too short, sometimes it's really long.  So why waste time on not doing what you want?
29. Drop all expectations.  This has always been the hardest one for me.  Don't expect others to love you the way you love them.  Don't expect others to always be there when you need them.  Don't expect things to always go your way.  Don't expect people to do or be they way you want them to be.  The ego is life's biggest curse.  Only ever in the ego do expectations live.  So just let them go.  Who wants to be tied to expectations anyway? They cause too much stress, pressure, disappointment, resentment, bitterness.  As you can see, expectations never cause anything great. So if you are going to expect anything in this life, expect to live life for yourself.  It is the only life you can live. 

I feel lighter and happier just writing that.  I feel more blessed and grateful for MY LIFE.  I realize now, after about 20 years, that my life is pretty freaking fantastic.  The truth is however, it has always been wonderful.  It just took me a very long time to see it.  Sometimes in the midst of pure uncertainty, everything finally makes sense. 

Thank you to my loved ones.  You know exactly who you are.  Your love for me is undeniably the greatest treasure of my life.  And I will spend every moment of every day, loving you back.