Motivational Me!

Have you ever been depressed?  Felt unworthy?  Blue?  Down in the dumps?  And for no reason?  I have; many times than I'd like to count.  Many might and have asked me, why, when your life is so good?  And my usual go to answer was always some excuse instead of the truth.

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Only my closest confidants can see through this, through me, even in moments when I am all too negative and self-loathing.  The truth is that there is never and has never been a good enough reason to feel this way.

I know that everyone has struggles, a bad day, a bad month, and even a bad year, but struggles come and go even when we feel they won't.

They are always, always teaching us something vastly important and if we are not paying enough attention, we will miss the incredible point those struggles are always trying to make; LIFE IS A-OKAY!

Do you want to know what I get down about?  Here it goes:

• Being unhealthy
• Not looking the way I want to look
• Not doing my dream job; i.e. being an author and Etsy shop extraordinaire
• Not spending as much time with my family that I'd like to
• Missing them
• Being tired
• Negative thinking
• Worrying
• Fearing
• Stressing the fuck out
• Not loving myself
• Not being good to my soul and heart
• Not letting go of all this shitty thinking
• The unknown

Reading that list out loud makes me not only laugh, but want to punch myself in the face.  Not to cause harm to myself of course, but to knock some sense into my brain that I have a pretty fanfuckingtastic life. 

At 29 (only 5 days into the new age) life hit me hard.  Everything flashed before my eyes; the life in the past, the things I've lost, the things I haven't yet accomplished, but more than any of this, what flashed throughout my mind most were all the amazing, incredible, motivational, uplifting, loving, happy moments I have been a part of.  All that time spent wasting over NOTHING and what has always mattered the most are the parts of my life that are real, the parts of my life that are so great, and nothing else.

Today's blog is about motivation, even it it might have started out a little differently.  How to find it, how to hold onto it, and how to find it even in the oddest of ways.

Motivation for me involves loving myself and since I have never been too good at that, being honest about who I am, flaws and all, is creating more love within than ever before.  When I am true to myself, I am my best me; happy, free, relaxed, motivated, inspired, content, full of life. 

I find comfort and motivation in all things creative, from writing on this blog to whoever reads it, to drawing and creating art for my Etsy shop, to spending quality, not quantity time with my guy and loved ones, to simply reading a book I am currently enthralled with.  My life is easy.  I do have it good. Yet all too often than not, so many of us forget this.

We instead waste time on the future, obsessing over the past, forgetting the present time, and rehashing all the shit we can never control or change.

I am starting to take more time for myself, letting go of the idea I created years ago that I have to do it all, be it all.  What motivates me are the things I don't even have to try to do, but rather, the things that come naturally and freely, like loving, writing, creating, laughing, and being myself.

I will never be perfect or live a perfect life with the perfect partner.  But I never want to be that or to have that.  My life, my partner, my family, and my few great friends, are all imperfect, which makes all of it perfectly imperfect in the most beautiful way.

Currently I am reading My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind by Scott Stossel, and The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan.  Stossel speaks truthfully about anxiety and the ever obsessive and worried mind, something I know a little something about.  And Keegan, a young Yale graduate who passed away five days after her graduation, and was way talented beyond her young life.  When I read, I live.  I feel what the author is writing, especially if I can relate, and I admire the work they have done.

It motivates and inspires me to believe in myself that much more.  That someday I will be writing a story that will one day inspire someone as well.  It may takes years to get there, it may not.  But time doesn't matter.  What matters is that I do it.  That I make my biggest dream in life, a dream I have had since I was 9 years old, possible.  

Motivation can only come from within.  And only YOU can motivate yourself to live the life you want and are meant to live.  Everything else just is and that too, is a-okay!  The trick to holding onto that motivation; loving yourself!

Xo,

Kim