A Letter to my 17 Year Old Self!

"The what-ifs and the should-haves will eat your brain."- John O'Callaghan

Two years ago I wrote a post to my 16 year old self.  It made me smile, laugh, cry, but mostly, it made me proud.  I've always said, that if one day I could be granted the wish to go back in time and change things, I wouldn't take it.  If I did, I wouldn't be where I am now and I happen to love where I am right now.

With my 28 birthday quickly approaching, I decided what the heck?  Why not write an updated version of my 16 year old letter, this time to the 17 year old me.  In doing so, I want to continue this tradition until I turn 30, when the BIG letter to my 20 year old self will take place.

So in honor of the little tradition I created two years ago, here is the new version, an updated glimpse into the life of moi.  I also feel that when my 30 birthday occurs, it will be pretty cool and interesting to look back on my past letters to see how far I've come along, how I've changed, how I haven't, and how I've lived.

Here it goes:

• If I could tell my 17 year old self anything, it would be this: High school is almost over my child, and you've been through a hell of a lot.  Sure you have a boyfriend now, but soon enough you will come to see the truth in that, and although it will take a long time, you will set yourself and your heart free from misery.  Hang in there, it's nothing.
• Remember to keep your fond memories alive, especially of the people you will lose, like your Teddy Bear friend, A.J., your Grandma Elida, and your Grandpa Pete.  Whatever memories you have of them, remember the good.  They are no longer here to feel your pain, so live through the lessons in life they've taught you.
• Treasure the moments you have with you mother and quit acting like you know everything about life.  You don't!  She has lived much longer than you and she will always, as much as you try to fight it, know more than you.  Let her teach you what she knows and let it guide you in whichever way you choose.  Spend more time with her, instead of getting drunk with friends and being fake.  Let her braid your hair.  Let her hold your hand.  Let her just be near you.  She is the closest thing to what it feels like when your heart beats.  You lived in her first.
• Make sure to spend time with your little sister and older brother. They are your greatest links to your past and will definitely play an important role in your future.  Quite being such a bitch!  Sure siblings fight, but never, ever, put them last.  They are who you are.  Friends will come and go, as will boys, so don't shut them out.  You will NEED them more than you know.
• Be friends with yourself.  I know that sounds weird, but it's true.  Be kind to yourself, just as you would your bestest friend in the world.  Listen to your heart and what things you tell yourself, and treat yourself like you would treat your best friends since childhood.  At the end of life, the only person you will always have and can count on, is yourself.  So it's better to befriend yourself and love yourself, sooner than later. 
• Smile.  Even the strongest people in the world will continue to smile, despite the pain and heartache they've endure.  You were blessed with a smile of your own, so don't ever let it fade.
• Spend time being less obsessed with "boys," and more time being obsessed with your dreams.  You may not know it now, but your dreams are right around the corner.  So pay attention.
• Don't hold any grudges.  Learn to let shit go!  Learn to be brave and say, "I forgive you, even if you haven't asked me for my forgiveness."  If you hold onto those grudges for too long, you will find out that the pain will never go away until you let them go.  Let them go.
• Don't worry or spend time worrying about all the crazy and non-realistic things you worry about.  Remember that only YOU have the power to live your life.  And life has a way of working itself out.  It will take years for you to see and get this, but trust me, it will be worth it when you do.  Plus, worrying never solves anything.  No matter how much you think it does, IT NEVER WILL!
• You are not cool if you smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol.  And you never will be.  So quit trying to impress others and just impress yourself.  Plus, drinking too much alcohol will make you fat (true story) and actually sucks when you wake up the next morning.  And smoking, well…you should know by now what smoking can do to you.  Just cut the nasty habit.  It doesn't make you attractive and it leaves you with stinky breath, which you hate. 
• Never, ever be fake!! Fake people are not real people, and nobody likes fake people anyway.  Be who you are and don't fall into the cliques and trends of others.  If people don't like you for who you are, then they don't deserve to have you in their life.  You will come to see that this will play a vital role in your life, so heads up.
• Also, never, ever, ever change who you are from some guy who let's face it, won't be in your life for long.  You are made beautifully and never forget that.  Plus, you have to figure this one out for yourself.  And when you do, you will see your true worth.  Then years from now, you will find out that nice guys really do exist, and when you meet that one nice, kind, beautiful, special, funny, amazing guy, you will realize in that moment (and for years to come), why it never worked out with anyone else.  It wasn't meant to.  And that my dear, will be one of the greatest gifts you could ever receive.  Only change for yourself.  Always.
• You don't know shit about real love and truly living, and that's okay.  It's something everyone in this world has to figure out for themselves on their own time.  Your time will come and you will be more tested than ever before, but it will so be worth it; tenfold. 
• Keep the kid in you alive, always.  Hug your Henry, write in your journal, play outside, laugh, watch whatever kind of kiddie movies you want, be silly, and most of all, enjoy it!  You are only as young as you are in this very moment and when you get older, you will miss the moments you missed out on by being too "grown-up."
• Be confident!  Gosh darn it!  You are beautiful, you are hilarious, you are loving, you are sensitive, you are emotional, you are talented, you are courageous, you are brave, you are smart.  You are all these things and more, so buckle up and let your confidence shine.  These qualities make up your DNA, so don't deny them to yourself.  The most beautiful thing a girl can possess, out of all the attributes in this life, is confidence.  No looks or great personality, can ever trump confidence.  So have some, it's hiding inside your heart.
• Don't be afraid.  Please, please, don't be afraid.  You will never be able to control anything in life, except how you choose to live and react to life.  So don't spend your time fearing the worst.  Trust me, fear will always be there, you're human; just don't live in it okay?
• Wait.
• Read as if your life depends on it and really take in what you learn in school.  You will always need knowledge.
• You may always be looked at as different for the color of your skin, your height, the little red bumps on your arms, your hairy mustache, but hey, being different is fucking awesome!  Besides, why would you ever want to be the same as someone else?  That's boring.  So be you, as different as you are, and embrace the beauty that, that has.  Different is the new trend!  And that's one trend that's okay to follow.
• Never let a broken heart cause you to give up on love forever.  True love is worth waiting for and sometimes it takes a long time to find it.  You will find it and then you will know the difference, and your heart will smile the biggest smile its ever had!
• Accept everything about yourself.  And I mean everything!  Don't apologize for who you are, ever!  Also, quit saying sorry.  Sorry is overrated and only counts when you truly mean it or when you absolutely must say it.
• Be kind to others and never forget that hurt people hurt others, because they are too afraid to ask for help.  Be kind to them anyway.  Except, and I use this loosely…except when someone is literally trying to ruin your life or sabotage something you've worked hard to achieve.  There is a difference between hurt people who are mean, and mean people who are just assholes.  You'll figure it out, you'll see.
• Live life like it's going out of style and spend quality time being alone.  If you are never alone, you will never know true peace.  And if you never know true peace, well….you don't ever want that.  By being alone and silent with your own thoughts, you will find much joy and peace inside your soul.  Also, you will figure out that no matter what happens in life, you will and can, always live on.  Being alone will teach you this.
• And lastly, quit searching for what isn't there.  Where there is nothing but pain, there is no love.  This will mean having to say goodbye to people who are not deserving of your time or love.  It will be hard, sure, but you will be okay.  You may not ever have those moments you dream of having, like having a dad walk you down the aisle….but that is what your mom is for.  She will always be there to help you stand.  It's also okay to be sad about things, just not okay to dwell on those sad things forever.  Forgive and let go.  Set yourself free.