The Confidence Catch, Grab On!
If someone would have told me at 13, that the key to living the life you want was to have confidence in yourself, my life might have turned out differently.
Maybe I would've been the Valedictorian instead, the Student Council President, or a member of the cheerleading team. Maybe I would have told all my crushes how much I was crushing on them or maybe I would've believed that I deserved so much better than someone who only caused hurt.
But the maybes...those are long gone now. I wasn't the Valedictorian, obviously, or the Student Council President, but I didn't need to be to be who I am now. And even though I was never a cheerleader, I most certainly would have been a kick ass little ball of cheertastic energy. And in so many ways that I can see now, I knew that all those "crushes" I had way back when, were positive affirmations that the best was yet to come, I'd just have to be extremely patient.
I didn't find my confidence until I left Texas almost six years ago. I mention that a lot. My leaving Texas and all. And I only do so solely as a reminder that I have come a very long way and that I'm still growing and learning every single day, but I am happy. And I love myself.
Ten years ago, when I was 17, I would have never had the courage to say that to myself. And to be quite frank, I could never say it back then because I didn't feel that to be true.
But now, ten years have passed and life as I once knew it, was changed with the tides. And I chalk all of it (with love, joy, strength, laughter and patience mixed in) up to finally mustering up the courage to have confidence in myself for the first time in my life.
I caught that confidence ball with one hand and I have never put it away to be hidden. A lot of my life story plays out through the people I have known and continue to know in my life now. The people I meet, the tears I shed, the heartache I felt. Each and every single moment in my life has been my entire life story. I'm just at Chapter 27 now, with more chapters waiting to be filled and finished, and a new one waiting to begin.
I see so many girls and even grown women who have little if no confidence in themselves. I see it in the eyes of the girl who is constantly being bullied and made fun of for not looking like other girls. I see it in the soul of the woman who just wants to change the world, but is sometimes too afraid to do so. And I see it everyday in so many women I know, including myself.
It's not to say that all of the women I know in my life have no confidence. For the most part, they carry their confidence beautifully and independently, just like it should be. But then, because women are prone to picking at bits and pieces of themselves, they forget sometimes, just how amazing they truly are.
If it weren't for women, where would men be, literally? I mean, scientifically females are the only species who can carry eggs, who can carry a child, so that's what I mean by the previous statement. Except of course for the Syngnathidae family of fish, but that's a whole other story.
But in all seriousness, why do women forget their self worth more than forgetting about the wrinkles or cellulite, the celebrity we wish to look like, or the materialistic things we think will make us hot or sexy, wanted or needed; worthy?
The only answer I can think of is obvious, society. Even I can remember being told what "pretty" meant when I was five years old and how a real lady always stayed classy, never said a curse word, never farted or burped, never went out in public without her face and hair done, and doing everything for a man, because that was her "role."
To that I say BS. I am classy you asshole of a society! Sometimes a burp and a fart are the only things that make me feel better from eating something that my body is saying "no" to. Sometimes I'm too fucking tired to put makeup on and comb my hair. And God knows that I don't do nearly everything for my man, because that is so not my role. What I do do (hehe...see, humor is confidence too) is love my man unconditionally, never perfectly. I let myself be me, even if I annoy myself at times and I strive to just LIVE and LOVE better than the last day. That's it. Simple, but worth it.
What I am trying to say is this. To every woman out there, you are beautiful just the way you are. And if you really feel, with all your heart and gut, that you don't like what you see, change it because you want to and NEVER because someone tells you to.
Remind yourself this: that true love, real, unconditional, can totally live without out you but absolutely doesn't want to live without you kind of love, exists! It's out there and even if you feel like it is not, trust me on this, you will feel it, see it, know it, and find it, when you're not paying attention in the slightest. Remind yourself as well, that real love does not hurt. You should never have to hide who you are to be with someone who cannot accept you for all that you are, even the shitty parts of you (that you may think are shitty). And remember that if someone doesn't want to be with you, doesn't want to show you off, laugh with you, do silly things with you, tell you the truth even if it may sting, makes you more unhappy and sad than they make you happy and loved, YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THAT!! You so deserve more than that.
I am no expert in love, I just figured out a little late in life that when I knew better I did better and it has made all the difference. I used to be the girl who would change for any guy who gave her the slightest bit of attention. I didn't respect myself at all, I let myself be used by guys who were sending light bulbs off in my brain to "STAY AWAY," and I didn't know the slightest thing about real love. All I knew, in all honesty, was what kind of love I never wanted. I used that. I knew better then and when I found the person who has been so much grander than any dream or idea I made up in my head, I did better.
I have flaws and sometimes I don't show my love the way I should or as much as I should. But I admit this with confidence, because I'm never perfect. And I do know this one thing for sure; I was meant to love and be loved and now at 27 and almost six years down the line, my confidence in myself allows me the ability to believe this more than I ever thought possible long ago.
Confidence is what took forever it seemed, for me to find. But once I found it, my life, my soul, my being, changed.
To all the women out there who think little of themselves, who allow others to treat them like they are nothing, find that inner confidence and rule your life. Love who you are and know it and feel it deep within.
Let go of all the things and even people who could care less about your life and your worth. And open your mind and heart to the people in your life who really do care, who would never leave you stranded on the side of the road for no apparent reason, who would never abuse you physically, sexually, and emotionally, and who would never be ashamed or embarrassed to be seen with you.
Let yourself be loved by the parent who is only trying to show you your worth and whether you want to admit it or not, actually does know more than you. And let yourself be loved by someone who is so unlike anyone ever before them, which may scare you, because that's when you know.
Maybe we are all more alike than we like to admit and maybe we are all a little bit different as well. To me, that is what being confident is all about.
We only get one life here on earth. We only get one body to use and usually only one heart to carry within. So go out there, grab that confidence ball waiting to be tossed to you and never forget to hold it close. And when you do forget, because it's inevitable, just remember that it is always there, waiting to be used.
Maybe I would've been the Valedictorian instead, the Student Council President, or a member of the cheerleading team. Maybe I would have told all my crushes how much I was crushing on them or maybe I would've believed that I deserved so much better than someone who only caused hurt.
But the maybes...those are long gone now. I wasn't the Valedictorian, obviously, or the Student Council President, but I didn't need to be to be who I am now. And even though I was never a cheerleader, I most certainly would have been a kick ass little ball of cheertastic energy. And in so many ways that I can see now, I knew that all those "crushes" I had way back when, were positive affirmations that the best was yet to come, I'd just have to be extremely patient.
I didn't find my confidence until I left Texas almost six years ago. I mention that a lot. My leaving Texas and all. And I only do so solely as a reminder that I have come a very long way and that I'm still growing and learning every single day, but I am happy. And I love myself.
Ten years ago, when I was 17, I would have never had the courage to say that to myself. And to be quite frank, I could never say it back then because I didn't feel that to be true.
But now, ten years have passed and life as I once knew it, was changed with the tides. And I chalk all of it (with love, joy, strength, laughter and patience mixed in) up to finally mustering up the courage to have confidence in myself for the first time in my life.
I caught that confidence ball with one hand and I have never put it away to be hidden. A lot of my life story plays out through the people I have known and continue to know in my life now. The people I meet, the tears I shed, the heartache I felt. Each and every single moment in my life has been my entire life story. I'm just at Chapter 27 now, with more chapters waiting to be filled and finished, and a new one waiting to begin.
I see so many girls and even grown women who have little if no confidence in themselves. I see it in the eyes of the girl who is constantly being bullied and made fun of for not looking like other girls. I see it in the soul of the woman who just wants to change the world, but is sometimes too afraid to do so. And I see it everyday in so many women I know, including myself.
It's not to say that all of the women I know in my life have no confidence. For the most part, they carry their confidence beautifully and independently, just like it should be. But then, because women are prone to picking at bits and pieces of themselves, they forget sometimes, just how amazing they truly are.
If it weren't for women, where would men be, literally? I mean, scientifically females are the only species who can carry eggs, who can carry a child, so that's what I mean by the previous statement. Except of course for the Syngnathidae family of fish, but that's a whole other story.
But in all seriousness, why do women forget their self worth more than forgetting about the wrinkles or cellulite, the celebrity we wish to look like, or the materialistic things we think will make us hot or sexy, wanted or needed; worthy?
The only answer I can think of is obvious, society. Even I can remember being told what "pretty" meant when I was five years old and how a real lady always stayed classy, never said a curse word, never farted or burped, never went out in public without her face and hair done, and doing everything for a man, because that was her "role."
To that I say BS. I am classy you asshole of a society! Sometimes a burp and a fart are the only things that make me feel better from eating something that my body is saying "no" to. Sometimes I'm too fucking tired to put makeup on and comb my hair. And God knows that I don't do nearly everything for my man, because that is so not my role. What I do do (hehe...see, humor is confidence too) is love my man unconditionally, never perfectly. I let myself be me, even if I annoy myself at times and I strive to just LIVE and LOVE better than the last day. That's it. Simple, but worth it.
What I am trying to say is this. To every woman out there, you are beautiful just the way you are. And if you really feel, with all your heart and gut, that you don't like what you see, change it because you want to and NEVER because someone tells you to.
Remind yourself this: that true love, real, unconditional, can totally live without out you but absolutely doesn't want to live without you kind of love, exists! It's out there and even if you feel like it is not, trust me on this, you will feel it, see it, know it, and find it, when you're not paying attention in the slightest. Remind yourself as well, that real love does not hurt. You should never have to hide who you are to be with someone who cannot accept you for all that you are, even the shitty parts of you (that you may think are shitty). And remember that if someone doesn't want to be with you, doesn't want to show you off, laugh with you, do silly things with you, tell you the truth even if it may sting, makes you more unhappy and sad than they make you happy and loved, YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THAT!! You so deserve more than that.
I am no expert in love, I just figured out a little late in life that when I knew better I did better and it has made all the difference. I used to be the girl who would change for any guy who gave her the slightest bit of attention. I didn't respect myself at all, I let myself be used by guys who were sending light bulbs off in my brain to "STAY AWAY," and I didn't know the slightest thing about real love. All I knew, in all honesty, was what kind of love I never wanted. I used that. I knew better then and when I found the person who has been so much grander than any dream or idea I made up in my head, I did better.
I have flaws and sometimes I don't show my love the way I should or as much as I should. But I admit this with confidence, because I'm never perfect. And I do know this one thing for sure; I was meant to love and be loved and now at 27 and almost six years down the line, my confidence in myself allows me the ability to believe this more than I ever thought possible long ago.
Confidence is what took forever it seemed, for me to find. But once I found it, my life, my soul, my being, changed.
To all the women out there who think little of themselves, who allow others to treat them like they are nothing, find that inner confidence and rule your life. Love who you are and know it and feel it deep within.
Let go of all the things and even people who could care less about your life and your worth. And open your mind and heart to the people in your life who really do care, who would never leave you stranded on the side of the road for no apparent reason, who would never abuse you physically, sexually, and emotionally, and who would never be ashamed or embarrassed to be seen with you.
Let yourself be loved by the parent who is only trying to show you your worth and whether you want to admit it or not, actually does know more than you. And let yourself be loved by someone who is so unlike anyone ever before them, which may scare you, because that's when you know.
Maybe we are all more alike than we like to admit and maybe we are all a little bit different as well. To me, that is what being confident is all about.
We only get one life here on earth. We only get one body to use and usually only one heart to carry within. So go out there, grab that confidence ball waiting to be tossed to you and never forget to hold it close. And when you do forget, because it's inevitable, just remember that it is always there, waiting to be used.
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