The Book of Love

"Darling, you are all I ever wanted love to be." e.s.

I'll be 31 in less than three months.  Time is flying by at an all time speed and the only difference now, is that it no longer scares me.  The strange thing is knowing that ten years have come and gone since I first moved to Vegas.  Since I took that huge leap of naivety, faith, freedom, and joy on a life I had no idea would turn out the way it has. 

What have I learned since then?  Too much to jot down to be quite honest, but perhaps one day I will and it will make people laugh.  The most important truth I've been honored to learn however, is that love is not all it is cracked up to be, like it is between the pages of a book or on the screen. 

It is so much more and so much better, harder, fun, and most importantly, worth it.  When I was 13, I thought I had fallen in love with this guy who needs no name.  Infatuation sank in and those rose colored glasses your grandma warned you about, fell quickly onto my face.  Why I thought this guy was worth it doesn't even matter now, because what honestly matters most is that it left me. 

The second and then the third that followed were not at all better, but there I stood, rose colored glasses still on, trying so fucking hard to be whoever they wanted me to be.  

When number two swept me off my feet, I ignored every red flag that was waving in front of my face screaming, "Get the fuck out!"  It wasn't until on a trip to Disney World with my family and having the greatest day ever, that I was broken up with in a literal Mickey Mouse pool.  There he stranded me, and for the next five days I still had to put up with his ass because we were stuck with him.  Suffice to say, it taught me a lot. 

And three, well three was the worst.  Three ruined me for the better part of four years.  And it was three who helped to create the doubt I formed about my worth, not just as a woman, but as a person. 

But three also gave me something that one and two couldn't-the wisdom to know just exactly the kind of love I deserved and the freedom to go out and find it.  

When I finally did, it's as if my soul awoke and my heart started beating for the first time.  I knew my worth and in the 3,395 days since I was found, I've never once had to question it.  Even through insecurities and fears, I've always felt valued.  Heard.  Myself.  It is this love, the last one, that has heightened my belief that sometimes, great, magical, once in a lifetime kind of things, really do happen to good people. My Book of Love started with Four and it has been the greatest story of my life.

Xo,

Kim

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