Love and Other Drugs

"You are my today and all of my tomorrows."  Leo Christopher

Look, I will never deny how difficult I can be.  That at times, more often than I'd like, I am a bit high-maintenance if you will.  I am easily sensitive, loving, forgiving, trusting, and silly.  And I am also easily stressed.  To say I care too much is such an understatement, that I am constantly trying to come up with a new one. 

But there are many things I love about myself, in spite of the flaws I don't always like.  At 30, life has changed so dramatically this year.  Maybe it is all just one huge coincidence, but turning 30 has truly been life altering.  There is not a single year before this year, where I can recall just how much I have been tested. The cool thing is though that I have loved this year more than any other as well, no matter how much craziness has occurred.  

I am a firm believer that just when you feel like the tide will never turn, it does and life becomes anew.  A chance to live your life the way YOU want to and let go of all the things you've always known were never good for you.  Whether it be an old job, old friendships, old habits, or a relationship, there are so many things that we hold onto that we know in our gut are not for us. 

It's taken many years to figure this out and I am constantly aware of it now, every single day.  The things I had to let go of were several old habits that were self-destructive.  As someone who is OCD in nature and already has anxiety, my obsessive thoughts or worries have always been my achilles heal.  I've also been blessed that other things didn't work out, because in some awesome way the universe knew.  I've had to let go of lots of relationships that I had built and that at one point were happy moments in my life. 

Thankfully though, the relationships that matter most to me have never left my side.  Andrew, who is a saint to say the least, has stood by my side effortlessly and continuously, always there to offer a kind word or piece of advice.  To say I love him is like saying the sky is blue-it is obvious, always there, and the most beautiful thing in my life. 

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My relationships with my family have grown deeper and the friendships I've had have as well.  I look at the people I love and love them more, not just for how they have helped and changed my life for the better, but how they each carry a strength within them that I admire. 

Love is a wild and crazy thing in of itself.  It is much like a drug that you keep going back to, but the kind of drug that improves your life instead of destructing it.  The people in my life that I love, I love without any hesitation, fear, doubt, or question.  This isn't to say that our relationships are perfect or that loving them is never hard.  It is to say however, that despite those hard times there are more good times than anything else, and that there is no one else I want to battle life with then them. 

I'm a lover of love.  I'm in love with my life, the people in it, myself, and all the beauty that is still out there waiting for us to take notice.  With all that has happened this year not just in my life, but around the world, I hold on strongly to love.  

It is always the thing that gets me through. 

Xo,

Kim

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