The Ego is Not your Amigo
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As an Aries, as a woman, as a child of my mother's, I am wild. I am unique. I am often predictable, but I am also rare. Deep within lives a kind of love that can cover the entire world, and too often than not, this need for caring so much, screws me over.
During this time of reflection, I have had to think long and hard about the ways in which I have not always shown up. Somewhere along the path I became someone who craved acceptance. If I wasn't accepted or even felt as such, then I had a problem. I thought I needed to know why some people didn't accept me for me, when the truth is that whether or not they do has never mattered.
Although I was able to function normally, the only thing that was true was that my EGO was fucked. That was the part of me that was really suffering. A moment of truth came last night when my guy and I were speaking. All this time I was under the impression that I had my ego in check, that somehow I was able to control it any time I needed to.
But the rude awakening always comes when you truly need it, and the truth is is that my ego has been an asshole to me all my life. It has prevented me from putting myself out there in terms of my writing. It has stopped me from growing and adapting to change, and even make the changes I need to make for my soul. And it has caused me to let down, the people I love most along the way. Even if my intention of course is to never do that, the harsh truth is that I have always just thought about me. How it makes ME feel and not how it could possibly make others feel. That is what the ego does. The ego blinds you of the truth because it fears more than anything, being forgotten.
Having to admit that I and I alone, have allowed my ego to screw me over, has not been pretty.
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What it has also been however, is the greatest and most life affirming journey yet. I am ready to put good out into the world and not expect anything in return. I am ready to show up, be my crazy, complicated, awesome self, and makes the changes I need in order to be an even better person, partner, friend, daughter, and sister. I am ready to shout from the top of my lungs, "Bring It!," because of all the hardships that life has thrown my way, it has in return, given me so many more gems.
After spending more than a month in the woe-is-me bubble, I woke up this morning feeling truly new. I cannot even express my gratitude and love for the man in my life who has never failed me. Who has ALWAYS shown up in every moment and who has my back to infinity. If for anyone other than myself, I strive to be a better me, for him. I am also forever indebted to our families who have been there for me and for us always. I never have known such love in my life and God, I am lucky!
Here's to making change for a better tomorrow and letting my ego die once and for all.
Peace and light, always,
Kim
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