I Am.
This year has been fearfully and utterly chaotic. Around this time I begin to shed the old skin of the past eight months, anxiously awaiting the new skin that will protect me and carry me throughout the rest of the year.
In eight months, CHANGE has occurred just about everyday. Although I like to think I am adaptable to change, there are certain types of change that do not go over too well inside my tiny body; big heart.
From family scares and tragedies to major life changes in my career, to all sorts of medical shenanigans happening inside myself, it is no surprise to me or those I love, that I have fallen more than once.
Besides the "scary" changes that have happened, there are always the happy ones too. I owned my fear a few months ago and finally admitted to myself and my closest confidants that maybe seeing a therapist wouldn't be too bad. Even saying those words before terrified me; an admission that I can't always do it all or hold it all together.
Since starting therapy however, I've come to see it as something of a very brave step in my life. Striving for perfection and constantly needing validation to know that I am doing an okay job in this life, was killing me. Maybe not literally of course, but being in that fear and anxiety daily definitely did not help my health at all.
My therapist says that there is lots of pain inside me from my past and lots of pain that I have yet to let go of. Of course I knew that already. But when someone who I had never met or told any of my "story" to said it, I cried. There was no judgement, just listening.
Just good ole me being free and vulnerable. And it was-freeing. I don't go there often but when I do I release the old crap and let the good stuff sink in more.
This year has been nuts but it has already taught me so much.
I am always going to care way too much about the people I love and how they see me. I know I shouldn't always, but I do and I accept that now. When I was made, I was made wonderfully and beautifully imperfect; with a gigantic heart that can care for the entire planet.
I am a wonderful person, full of capabilities and complexities. I can do anything I set my heart on, I just have to believe in me to get there.
I am a pretty badass girlfriend, daughter, sister, and friend. I may not always do or say the right things or be there as much as I'd like, or be there more than I should, but I'm a badass. And in my badassery, I have the most badass people on my side.
I am stronger than I will ever know.
I am hilarious and know how to make people laugh by just being my silly self.
I am afraid. I am so afraid of living my life in the past and in the future, never fully living in the present moment. I am afraid of not letting go of the things that needed to be let go of decades ago. I am afraid of the unknown and all the things out of my control. But....I am also aware of all this. And that is what is most important.
I am loved. So deeply loved more than I could ever imagine. And god I am lucky for all the love that surrounds me.
I am me. A 29 year old dreamer of all things positive, creative, loving, genuine, and honest. And I am 100% okay with all of me.
Kim
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| Via Pinterest |
From family scares and tragedies to major life changes in my career, to all sorts of medical shenanigans happening inside myself, it is no surprise to me or those I love, that I have fallen more than once.
Besides the "scary" changes that have happened, there are always the happy ones too. I owned my fear a few months ago and finally admitted to myself and my closest confidants that maybe seeing a therapist wouldn't be too bad. Even saying those words before terrified me; an admission that I can't always do it all or hold it all together.
Since starting therapy however, I've come to see it as something of a very brave step in my life. Striving for perfection and constantly needing validation to know that I am doing an okay job in this life, was killing me. Maybe not literally of course, but being in that fear and anxiety daily definitely did not help my health at all.
My therapist says that there is lots of pain inside me from my past and lots of pain that I have yet to let go of. Of course I knew that already. But when someone who I had never met or told any of my "story" to said it, I cried. There was no judgement, just listening.
This year has been nuts but it has already taught me so much.
 |
| Via Pinterest |
I am a wonderful person, full of capabilities and complexities. I can do anything I set my heart on, I just have to believe in me to get there.
I am a pretty badass girlfriend, daughter, sister, and friend. I may not always do or say the right things or be there as much as I'd like, or be there more than I should, but I'm a badass. And in my badassery, I have the most badass people on my side.
I am stronger than I will ever know.
I am hilarious and know how to make people laugh by just being my silly self.
I am afraid. I am so afraid of living my life in the past and in the future, never fully living in the present moment. I am afraid of not letting go of the things that needed to be let go of decades ago. I am afraid of the unknown and all the things out of my control. But....I am also aware of all this. And that is what is most important.
I am loved. So deeply loved more than I could ever imagine. And god I am lucky for all the love that surrounds me.
 |
| Via Pinterest |
I am me. A 29 year old dreamer of all things positive, creative, loving, genuine, and honest. And I am 100% okay with all of me.
Kim
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