Letting Go of Your Story

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I think for most of my life, as far back as I can remember at least, I have struggled with anxiety.  It is no hidden truth; people who know me and know me well, understand that anxiety is a part of who I am and possibly even brought about by the experiences I had in my younger life.

But for me, my anxiety is generally kept too close for comfort, always there, always lingering, always awake and ready to strike at any given time.  To say I loathe that part of myself would be an understatement, however slowly but surely over time, I have come to understand even the deepest parts of myself that I never wanted to awaken or pay any attention to.

After 28 years of trying to "understand" who I am and accept that person, I've come to the very real and even brutal realization that all of me is imperfect, flawed, maybe even a little bit broken, but so genuine, real, honest, loving, caring, giving, understanding, accepting, compassionate, loyal, trustworthy, and so forth.  Although there are parts of my soul that are a bit dusty and dark, the large part of who I am shines bright; and that is what I choose to follow.

The story we tell ourselves over the course of our lives and the experiences and changes we face, is just that; a story we created in our brains to better understand who we are and what our life is all about.  My story sucked for many years and up until recently to be honest, was a bit harmful to my heart and soul.  As a woman who is and most likely will always be emotional and a tad sensitive, I've come to better understand my weaknesses and know that just because I have some, it doesn't make me any less than anyone else.

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No one in this world is and will ever be perfect.  That is a cold hard truth that many struggle to come to terms with, myself included.  I still find the urge to be the perfect worker, friend, daughter, girlfriend, sister, cousin, etc., but the more I "try" to be perfect the less happy I become.  Because perfectionism is an ugly monster and it tears you up inside, constantly thinking you are never good enough.  In actuality, everyone is good enough for what they have in their lives.  The choices we make are what define the rewards we gain and looking back, although I faced much heartache, I was always and still am the same kind, loving, giving, caring person I've always been.  And it is because of this, these parts of myself, that I have such a beautiful and incredible life.  It is why I have such an amazing and understanding boyfriend, why I have the greatest family in the world, and why the very few real friends I have, get me and accept me.  I have all I have in my life because of what I have given and done and that is something beautiful.

Being perfect is a false reality that can never become a real truth and it has taken many years for me to understand this, accept it, and gradually let it go.  Who I am is not the story I've been telling myself for years, it's more than that.  Who I am is how I love myself at the end of the day, the courage I have to make my dreams possible even if it takes a long time, the heart I was born with that loves deeply, honestly, openly, and loyally, even through all the ups and downs, and the constant hope I have for not only myself and those I love, but for the world.

Letting go of the "bad" story we may tell ourselves from time to time is a sure way to bring about more positivity in your life, more good, more joy, and more happiness.

Tonight I let go of that story and work to create a new story that is not only true, but accurate.

Thanks to the ones I love (you know who you are) for being the only people I need and want in my life, for loving me effortlessly and honestly, and for ALWAYS encouraging me daily to chase my dreams, make them possible, be the best me, be brave, and confident.  My life shines brighter because of you all!