To Just Be

Courtesy of Pinterest

It's been another two months since my last post and I fell off course and forgot about the one thing that awakens my soul and keeps me alive; writing.

Here is a recap of the past two months to present and what I've been up to since.

August- in one word, August SUCKED.  It was a shitty month, filled with many questions, stress, worries, fears, and too much of an all consuming, overwhelming brain.  I was going from one thing to the next, completely out of focus of what truly mattered and totally unaware of my need to just take a break, breathe, be cool, and all the rest that keeps me sane.  August hurt my heart tremendously and wracked my brain annoyingly, but I got through it.  I am still here and though sometimes I make things into a catastrophe, it always teaches me life lessons that stay with me until the end.  August was hard, but who gives a shit nowadays.  It's over, it's passed, I've moved on, and I've learned.  And really, that is all that matters.

September- September was also hard, as though life was testing me day after day.  Sometimes I feel no matter how much you think you are prepared for any and everything life throws your way, when too much is thrown at you, you are never really completely prepared.  It is in those moments when you have to decide if you are going to give up or push through, the latter sometimes being more difficult than you would like.   But thus is life and the ebb and flow just has to come naturally, even in the midst of all the bullshit and that is what September was.  In moments when I thought I was going to lose my cool, I remembered that life is sometimes this big ole test and I had to make sure I didn't fail it.  So I kept on keeping on.

October- Right now, life is lovely.  Sometimes when life becomes too hectic for me, someone who prefers things to be (naively) cool, calm, and drama free, I have to take a deep hard look at who I am.  It is always in those moments where I find my answer; where I find my serenity.  August and September tired me to no end, but I learned one thing-I am not alone.  In this great big universe I am never truly alone and I am so thankful (there needs to be a new word for thankful) to my guy and those I love, who have always been there to help me pull through.  Andrew and I celebrated 7 years of love a few days ago and I still can't believe how fast time has flown by.  Of all that we have been through I would never change a thing.  I would never go back and try to fix anything because I am who I am now because of it all.  And as a couple, we are who we are because of it all.  Sometimes in the middle of a crazy life love saves you and for me, love is always keeping me afloat.  Love is always teaching me something new, how to let go of old things, how to stand up for myself, how to not apologize for who I am, how to follow my heart but bring my brain with me, how to forgive, how to survive, how to laugh uncontrollably, and how to just be.

Nowadays, I am more in love with the actual reality of what love means to me and how it has changed my life, and less in love with the idea of it.  So many of us (myself included) fall in love with the ideal image of what love means, should be, should feel like, instead of realizing the truth that love has to offer, the good and bad, the ups and downs, the non-perfect, ever changing and growing reality that love is all those things and more.  And when it is good in spite of the bad, that is when real love is able to blossom and strengthen not only you, but those you love as well.

I take a huge breath tonight, finally able to breathe from my clogged up nostrils, and laugh at the way I can be sometimes.  I love who I am; all my imperfections, flaws, idiosyncrasies, and weird ways.  And in loving all of who I am, I am able to love fully all of who matter most to me and accept more the ones I may not always understand.

To just be, means that I am alive and that is and always will be ENOUGH!

Copyright of Kim Trevino