The Ebb and Flow
It's been a long while since I've last written and the ebb and flow of my life has been just that; natural.
Since April, I've experienced and felt much that has already helped me to not only become happier, but also has helped me to be truer to myself than ever before. I woke up more morning feeling at peace and for someone such as myself, who is constantly on the go, whether in thought or movement, that feeling was something worth remembering. Since my birthday as well, I've come to see things in a different way that I am honestly, enjoying and loving tremendously.
I used to always need others to be happy, surrounding myself with whoever wanted to be around me, just so that I didn't feel alone. As I've allowed the ebb and flow of my life to just be, I'm no longer that person anymore. I guess to be honest, I haven't been that person for quite some time. Nowadays, all I want in my life is all that I have already. It's truly quite simple to know what is most important in life and for me, those gems include my guy, our families, our pup, and the friends we hold close. I no longer feel the urge or need to surround myself with people I don't want to be around. My time is important.
The girl I was 10 years ago in high school, is no longer the girl I am. I don't need the attention I once craved so much, I don't need meaningless friendships or chit chat, I don't need lies, I don't need to feel sorry for myself, ever, I don't need to worry, though I think it's safe to say I'll always be a worrier and I'm okay with that, and I don't need to need others to be happy with myself. Of all the things I've learned so far, that has been the most important. The people I love the most, I know, love me completely and they on the other hand know I love them completely as well. However, me thinking and putting that role on one of them to always make me happy, is like saying let there never be any traffic or shitty drivers so I can drive unbothered. The truth is, only I can make myself happy, while the ones I love surely add to my happiness.
Another thing I have noticed about this breathtaking and beautiful life of mine, is that I am 100% okay with saying just that. Sure I've struggled over the course of my life to let all the good inside, always afraid that if I did, it would go away. Somewhere years ago, which I cannot remember, I became so severely afraid of losing the greatness that filled my life. Looking back now, I most likely sabotaged great times in my life out of this fear and it took me up until two years ago, to come to terms with this.
I've been truly lucky however and completely grateful to have an amazing man in my life who has helped me to see the real person underneath the exterior. Moments when I have felt the lowest, have also been moments I've felt the most loved and most understood. And moments when I thought I would never "figure it all out," were moments where I realized I didn't have to know it all to be happy. It has taken a very long time to get to where I am today and by no means am I a pro at living or loving. All I am is a normal woman, filled with such love for the people in my life who have shown me what being real is all about, how to love deeply even if you're afraid, and how to stand on your own.
For them and for the lessons I've learned, I am forever grateful. The ebb and flow carries me in its tide, naturally and comfortably, allowing me to make mistakes, be sad, be annoyed, be pissed, and most of all, be completely happy. I used to tell myself such a shitty story and I was always wondering why I was so confused. Once I changed that shitty story, I awoke, I became really alive again, and nowadays all I can do is feel peace.
I am fully aware that life is what it is; scary, stressful, upsetting, disappointing, busy, silly, fun, amazing, lovely, beautiful, unpredictable, and real. It carries a huge scar on its body, yet is healed by the love that embodies it on a daily basis. Wherever the love goes, so does the life, and I guess that is kind of who I am as well. I will always be the keeper of all hopes and dreams, of love and joy…and I kinda like that about myself. Wherever I go, scars in tow, the love I have in my life is always there, always keeping me aware of how far I've come.
And for me, that is what life is all about!
xoxo, Kim
I used to always need others to be happy, surrounding myself with whoever wanted to be around me, just so that I didn't feel alone. As I've allowed the ebb and flow of my life to just be, I'm no longer that person anymore. I guess to be honest, I haven't been that person for quite some time. Nowadays, all I want in my life is all that I have already. It's truly quite simple to know what is most important in life and for me, those gems include my guy, our families, our pup, and the friends we hold close. I no longer feel the urge or need to surround myself with people I don't want to be around. My time is important.
Another thing I have noticed about this breathtaking and beautiful life of mine, is that I am 100% okay with saying just that. Sure I've struggled over the course of my life to let all the good inside, always afraid that if I did, it would go away. Somewhere years ago, which I cannot remember, I became so severely afraid of losing the greatness that filled my life. Looking back now, I most likely sabotaged great times in my life out of this fear and it took me up until two years ago, to come to terms with this.
I've been truly lucky however and completely grateful to have an amazing man in my life who has helped me to see the real person underneath the exterior. Moments when I have felt the lowest, have also been moments I've felt the most loved and most understood. And moments when I thought I would never "figure it all out," were moments where I realized I didn't have to know it all to be happy. It has taken a very long time to get to where I am today and by no means am I a pro at living or loving. All I am is a normal woman, filled with such love for the people in my life who have shown me what being real is all about, how to love deeply even if you're afraid, and how to stand on your own.
I am fully aware that life is what it is; scary, stressful, upsetting, disappointing, busy, silly, fun, amazing, lovely, beautiful, unpredictable, and real. It carries a huge scar on its body, yet is healed by the love that embodies it on a daily basis. Wherever the love goes, so does the life, and I guess that is kind of who I am as well. I will always be the keeper of all hopes and dreams, of love and joy…and I kinda like that about myself. Wherever I go, scars in tow, the love I have in my life is always there, always keeping me aware of how far I've come.
And for me, that is what life is all about!
xoxo, Kim
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