27.

May 21, 2013

27.

It happened. I turned 27. It came and went and just like the ocean, the tides changed and so did I.

My 20s have been all about growing; "finding myself," becoming the woman I always knew I was, facing scary obstacles and challenges, venturing off on my own, having my heart broken (quite a few times), breaking a heart or two along the way, losing myself, finding myself again, laughing so, so much, crying so, so much (hehe), learning immensely important lessons, really falling in love, really being loved right back, many job changes, and coming to the end of a circle that has spanned almost a decade.

I don't have any other words to describe my journey and this path of growing up that I hope to forever be on. The only word, the only word that for some reason jumps to the tip of my tongue, is amazing.

The one word that sums up everything this brown-eyed girl of 27 years has been through. The only word that not only embodies the life that I have been blessed to live, but the only word that sums up who I am as a whole; a person, a woman, a sister, a daughter, a friend, and a "my girl," to my guy.

I've been following one particular Robert Frost quote for years and I took the road less traveled by a very long time ago when I left my small town. I've listened and held that quote close to my heart when I was contemplating whether I should move back to my town in 2008, to a life I knew long ago I didn't want to remain in, or if I should, for probably the first time in my life, stay in Las Vegas and give my heart out once more to a man I knew little of.

Via Pinterest

I took the road not taken, the one that scares you and makes you question everything, and just like Frost said forever ago, that has truly made all the difference.

For my grand celebration 1 month ago, my favorite (and only) brother Kevin, and his lovely fiancee Joanna came to visit me and my man in Vegas. I hadn't seen him in almost TWO YEARS!!! Suffice to say, seeing him walk up to me at the airport brought instant peace to my heart, a smile that surpassed my face, and tears of pure happiness. My brother is my hero. And he has been for all my life.

There will never be a day where I don't know and believe that to be true. The truth is, Kevin has saved my life on more than one occasion. He has been my only father figure growing up, one of my male role models, a best friend, a true confidant and go-to person, and a boy who would always make me cry when I was a baby because he loved me so much he'd sometimes squeeze just a little too tight. And my brother is truly, the best.

Having him and Joanna here made my birthday all the more merrier. Seeing him laugh and talk with my guy was like seeing the sunshine for the very first time. It was epic. It was magical. It was five nights and six days worth waiting for. And it made my birthday come full circle.

I've learned much in my 27 years on earth. I've learned how to love myself more, even if I falter from time to time. I've learned how to open my heart to someone who could potentially break it into a million little pieces, without question, without regret, without conditions, without hatred and abuse, and with so much love and hope. I've learned how to believe in myself a whole lot more, how to stand up for what I want and what dreams I have and will accomplish. I've learned, even when I was unaware of knowing, how to let go of the past, little by little, more and more. How to let go of the pain that I carried in my heart for far too long. And how to accept me, for just who I am. I've done all of this, slowly and surely, without fear.

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It's taken a long time. And although a part of me knows that fear will always remain, the bigger and better part of me knows that fear is what ultimately, makes me stronger in the end. It exists for a reason and fighting it is the only way to let it control you.

Tonight as I listen to the sweet, smooth sounds of Amy Winehouse, I feel I've found my way in this place we call life. I will never be perfect. I know that obstacles and self-doubt will occur from time to time, but the greatest thing is that I accept all of life's absurdities with this great big heart of mine.

It is I who has the choice in which way my life will lead me. And it is I alone, who has the choice every single day I get to live, what I want and what I'm going to do with this one precious life of mine.

The world, I know, is not always pretty. It's rugged and dirty, cracked and chipped, and fear induced in every which way you turn. But just like a wound, with time and a little love and tender care, it always heal. As just like that wound, I have healed as well.

27 is looking to be the best year yet. I am so immensely blessed and grateful. And I applaud myself for never, ever giving up, even when that was the easiest thing to do.

A look back at my 27 birthday.....................