To My 16-Year-Old Self
Over conversation the other night with some really amazing friends, an idea occurred to me that I had never thought of before.
After going through a 20-questions-like game, a question popped up asking what one would say to their 16-year-old self. And then after going around the circle and giving our answers, my friend Gianna said, "Kim, what if you did that on your blog?"
Great minds think alike and thus here I am. I took her advice and now I'm running with it. Thanks G! I love the idea of segments and devoting a certain topic to each of them. So on some days when I feel up to it, I'll dedicate a few posts to what I would tell my 16-year-old self.
Though I would never want to go back in time and alter anything, if I could tell my teenage self back then what I know now, here is what I'd tell her.
Don't be afraid to be what you want to be. When something feels wrong inside your heart and inside your gut, listen to it and never let people walk all over you because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Listen to the voice that lies deep within, the one who is actually encouraging and supporting you on your journey of life. And trust it with all your heart. Don't however, listen to the voice that likes to pretend they care about you, when secretly, all they are doing is trying to pull you down and break you apart.
Soon enough, you will come to learn to distinguish between the two and it is solely up to you which one you choose to follow.
Don't be afraid to love with all your heart just because you've been hurt and are afraid of being hurt. In life, you will get hurt and you will hurt as well, and in the end, both will teach you lessons you'll be grateful to have learned. No matter what, love with all your heart. It will so be worth it!!!
Make sure to keep your family and your true friends close. Throughout the course of your life, you will eventually find out who really cares about you and who was just another chapter in your life story. No matter what, don't ever change who you are towards the ones you love for someone else. Always, always be true to yourself and own it.
When life hands you curveballs, take the bat in your hands and swing with all your might. You won't always hit a home run and many times you will strike out. But whatever the result may be, keep on swinging and never let go of the bat.
You will find out that the people who love you most and who you love the most, will disappoint you and hurt you. Try not to take it too personally or let it affect you enough to scare you. The ones who truly love you will disappoint and hurt you in your life, but don't be too hard on them. Everyone is human in this life and just because you love someone and they love you back, doesn't mean that they will ever be perfect. Instead, forgive them even if you don't want to at the moment. And once you've forgiven, don't go back and replay it over and over again. Let it be.
Live your life with purpose and respect yourself entirely. Don't base what you do or who you are, on what people tell you. In the end, the only one to listen to is yourself. Unless of course it's your mother and she tells you not to sneak out of the house and you still do. Be prepared for the consequences and know even in those moments, that they are all worth it.
Take time to spend with your grandparents. They won't live as long as you would've hoped and they won't always be around to see you grow. Tell them you love them. Forgive them when need be. And make sure that they know it. And most importantly, remember that they too, love you more than you could ever know.
Learn how to be a good listener. As stated earlier, there is a difference between listening to what is right and wrong. Choose the right as much as you can. But even when you choose the wrong, pick yourself back up, forgive it, and let it teach you the valuable lesson it is meant to teach you.
Don't worry about living up to people's expectations of who you are. And for that matter, try not to live up to the extreme expectations you put on yourself. Part of growing up is allowing yourself the room and time to do so. So let yourself. Be comfortable with the fact that you will not know everything you hope to know. Answers won't be handed to you or even come when you want them to.
Practice patience and keep it safe in your heart and soul. Patience will get you far in life, but you won't always have it. Remind yourself even in those moments, to just breathe, quit thinking, and know that sweating the small stuff will never be worth it.
Don't sweat the small stuff, i.e., the boy who doesn't call, the friend who gossiped about you, making a bad grade on a paper, making your mom mad, hurting someone's feelings, or embarrassing yourself. We are all human and are all prone to letting certain things that won't matter 1, 5, or 10 years from now, affect us. Even so, if you do sweat the small stuff, don't be too hard on yourself. Know, that you will never be perfect and that not being perfect is actually pretty fanfuckingtastic! (Sorry Ma!)
Forget about all the what-ifs. Live in the now, in the present moment, and be thankful with all your might, that the right now, is the only way to truly live ones life.
Forgive yourself. Love yourself. And if anything, learn how to accept yourself for all that you are and all that you are not. You will see, that one day, all you've gone through will be worth it tenfold. And I promise you, you will be so happy with the results! :)
Don't smother people and try to change them. Don't try to change who you are either. Learn acceptance and all will be better, you'll see.
Laugh often. And never let the kid in you die. Someday, you will need that kid when you least expect it, so don't forget about her.
Do what you love. Love what you do.
Be genuine to others and to yourself. Be respectful and appreciative. And even when people aren't respectful towards you, think that maybe, just maybe they are going through something too difficult for you to understand. But when you meet a real asshole, don't worry so much about being too respectful. Some people are just mean. It has nothing to do with you!
And yes, IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! So quit thinking that everything is. When something is about you, trust me, you will know it.
And lastly, for now at least, be kind to your mind. Don't fill it with so many fears. Let your wings spread and have the courage to fly. You will be okay!
Just a few things I'd tell myself way back then and still things I keep learning from to this day. I've learned more so than ever, that it is okay to fall, to lose it from time to time, and to be fearful of the unknown. I try always, to not let the small things get to me. When I do, it sucks. But then, I always, always find my way through.
I'm not the same girl I was 10 years ago. But there are many parts of her that still reside inside my heart. I've learned that everything I've been through has led me to the greatest place I've ever been in and even when I forget from time to time, I always remember.
I am very thankful for all that I have now and all that I was able to experience in my life so far. It turns out that all the heartache I thought way back when would never go away, led me in a direction I would've never imagined. And here I am now, in the greatest love story I know.
My life is NOT perfect. But that is one of many things I've come to learn so dearly. In the end, I wouldn't change a thing. Every decision, every mistake, every doubt and fear, has all been worth it. And I'm still standing.
Just one of several hundred things I will always be grateful for.
After going through a 20-questions-like game, a question popped up asking what one would say to their 16-year-old self. And then after going around the circle and giving our answers, my friend Gianna said, "Kim, what if you did that on your blog?"
Great minds think alike and thus here I am. I took her advice and now I'm running with it. Thanks G! I love the idea of segments and devoting a certain topic to each of them. So on some days when I feel up to it, I'll dedicate a few posts to what I would tell my 16-year-old self.
Though I would never want to go back in time and alter anything, if I could tell my teenage self back then what I know now, here is what I'd tell her.
Don't be afraid to be what you want to be. When something feels wrong inside your heart and inside your gut, listen to it and never let people walk all over you because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Listen to the voice that lies deep within, the one who is actually encouraging and supporting you on your journey of life. And trust it with all your heart. Don't however, listen to the voice that likes to pretend they care about you, when secretly, all they are doing is trying to pull you down and break you apart.
Soon enough, you will come to learn to distinguish between the two and it is solely up to you which one you choose to follow.
Don't be afraid to love with all your heart just because you've been hurt and are afraid of being hurt. In life, you will get hurt and you will hurt as well, and in the end, both will teach you lessons you'll be grateful to have learned. No matter what, love with all your heart. It will so be worth it!!!
Make sure to keep your family and your true friends close. Throughout the course of your life, you will eventually find out who really cares about you and who was just another chapter in your life story. No matter what, don't ever change who you are towards the ones you love for someone else. Always, always be true to yourself and own it.
When life hands you curveballs, take the bat in your hands and swing with all your might. You won't always hit a home run and many times you will strike out. But whatever the result may be, keep on swinging and never let go of the bat.
You will find out that the people who love you most and who you love the most, will disappoint you and hurt you. Try not to take it too personally or let it affect you enough to scare you. The ones who truly love you will disappoint and hurt you in your life, but don't be too hard on them. Everyone is human in this life and just because you love someone and they love you back, doesn't mean that they will ever be perfect. Instead, forgive them even if you don't want to at the moment. And once you've forgiven, don't go back and replay it over and over again. Let it be.
Live your life with purpose and respect yourself entirely. Don't base what you do or who you are, on what people tell you. In the end, the only one to listen to is yourself. Unless of course it's your mother and she tells you not to sneak out of the house and you still do. Be prepared for the consequences and know even in those moments, that they are all worth it.
Take time to spend with your grandparents. They won't live as long as you would've hoped and they won't always be around to see you grow. Tell them you love them. Forgive them when need be. And make sure that they know it. And most importantly, remember that they too, love you more than you could ever know.
Learn how to be a good listener. As stated earlier, there is a difference between listening to what is right and wrong. Choose the right as much as you can. But even when you choose the wrong, pick yourself back up, forgive it, and let it teach you the valuable lesson it is meant to teach you.
Don't worry about living up to people's expectations of who you are. And for that matter, try not to live up to the extreme expectations you put on yourself. Part of growing up is allowing yourself the room and time to do so. So let yourself. Be comfortable with the fact that you will not know everything you hope to know. Answers won't be handed to you or even come when you want them to.
Practice patience and keep it safe in your heart and soul. Patience will get you far in life, but you won't always have it. Remind yourself even in those moments, to just breathe, quit thinking, and know that sweating the small stuff will never be worth it.
Don't sweat the small stuff, i.e., the boy who doesn't call, the friend who gossiped about you, making a bad grade on a paper, making your mom mad, hurting someone's feelings, or embarrassing yourself. We are all human and are all prone to letting certain things that won't matter 1, 5, or 10 years from now, affect us. Even so, if you do sweat the small stuff, don't be too hard on yourself. Know, that you will never be perfect and that not being perfect is actually pretty fanfuckingtastic! (Sorry Ma!)
Forget about all the what-ifs. Live in the now, in the present moment, and be thankful with all your might, that the right now, is the only way to truly live ones life.
Forgive yourself. Love yourself. And if anything, learn how to accept yourself for all that you are and all that you are not. You will see, that one day, all you've gone through will be worth it tenfold. And I promise you, you will be so happy with the results! :)
Don't smother people and try to change them. Don't try to change who you are either. Learn acceptance and all will be better, you'll see.
Laugh often. And never let the kid in you die. Someday, you will need that kid when you least expect it, so don't forget about her.
Do what you love. Love what you do.
Be genuine to others and to yourself. Be respectful and appreciative. And even when people aren't respectful towards you, think that maybe, just maybe they are going through something too difficult for you to understand. But when you meet a real asshole, don't worry so much about being too respectful. Some people are just mean. It has nothing to do with you!
And yes, IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! So quit thinking that everything is. When something is about you, trust me, you will know it.
And lastly, for now at least, be kind to your mind. Don't fill it with so many fears. Let your wings spread and have the courage to fly. You will be okay!
Just a few things I'd tell myself way back then and still things I keep learning from to this day. I've learned more so than ever, that it is okay to fall, to lose it from time to time, and to be fearful of the unknown. I try always, to not let the small things get to me. When I do, it sucks. But then, I always, always find my way through.
I'm not the same girl I was 10 years ago. But there are many parts of her that still reside inside my heart. I've learned that everything I've been through has led me to the greatest place I've ever been in and even when I forget from time to time, I always remember.
I am very thankful for all that I have now and all that I was able to experience in my life so far. It turns out that all the heartache I thought way back when would never go away, led me in a direction I would've never imagined. And here I am now, in the greatest love story I know.
My life is NOT perfect. But that is one of many things I've come to learn so dearly. In the end, I wouldn't change a thing. Every decision, every mistake, every doubt and fear, has all been worth it. And I'm still standing.
Just one of several hundred things I will always be grateful for.
You are so inspirational. we may not really know each other, but you have helped me, motivated me, and inspired me to improve myself, truly seek happiness, and not hold anything back. thank you for all you have done for me, even if you don't realize you are doing it!
ReplyDeleteJess,
Deletethat means so very much to me. Thank you so kindly, from the bottom of my heart. I hope to continue inspiring. And P.S., I read all your posts, and you are very inspirational as well. Lot's of love to you!