Joy Rising

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.

I can't believe that Halloween will be here in two short weeks. As one month comes to an end, another one is waiting for the baton, anxiously anticipating the start of their race. This year has been a crazy year for me. And I feel as though 2010/2011, have become my transitioning years, my growing up years. I always knew, that someday I would have to face the facts about life and grow up. So when I turned 21 and left Texas, I thought that was it. Little did I know that my twenties would be the turning points in my life, preparing me for the real decisions I know I'll face as I get older. Overtime I've come to really look deep inside my soul and realize what I do want out of life and what I absolutely don't want. Knowing the difference between the two and accepting them, is an eye opening experience. And for so many years, I knew what I didn't want, but I lived that way, because I feared losing the things that I do want, so much more. The thing with fear, is that it captivates and holds prisoner all of your happiness and love, and makes it hard to let it go, and just be. But today,I've changed that whole perspective. I know I don't want to live in fear anymore. And for those who know what I mean, it's being fearful that anything could go wrong in your life, that mistakes will happen, heartache and pain will occur and loss. It's being afraid that all the love I have in my life, will someday disappear and I'll be left alone in this world. But it wasn't until I watched an Oprah Lifeclass episode that I really took a deeper look into my heart and a giant leap outside my ever flowing mind. The truth is, is what I do want in life, I never believed in because of my fear. And now, I just don't want to live like that anymore. Why rob myself of my own truths and happiness? It's stupid, really and weak. What I want in life, is to be free of all this fear and pain. I want to let go of all the things I hold on to, from my past life and wash them away. I want to spend the rest of my life with Andrew, have children with him, be a phenomenal and successfull writer and be happy. I want to be able to visit my family whenever I want and have them visit me. I want to be able to visit Andrew's family whenever we want. I want to be my real self always and not my afraid self. And more than anything, I want to live life with those I love and truly let go and not worry. I know all these things, but sometimes it's harder to say them then actually go through with it. But today I'm going through with it. It will be hard, because I've been stuck in my ways forever, but when you know your own truth, you have to grasp it with all your might and all your heart and never let it go. Because the truth, always overtrumps the false and like a bolt of lighting, you know what you have to do. I've been honored and blessed and grateful for the people who have stuck by my side no matter what. They are the truth in my life. Believing in all that I have, in myself and my dreams, will make my life more purposeful and true and that's how I will lead my life, everyday. When you see your life in front of you, nothing else matters. The truth has set me free and I hope it will for everyone who needs to give in to the truth. Life will end. Pain and heartache will occur. Loss will happen. But, knowing that instead of fearing that, will lead me towards the life I know I'm meant to live. Living my life now, is only proof for that and there's no reason to hold back any longer. I've grown. I've changed and I've seen the truth. I have a splendid life and I'm only going to focus on that truth, for the rest of my life. My heart feels free of all the weight now and I'm content with all that I believe in and strive for out of my one true life.